Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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