Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
