I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
