When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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