you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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