I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
