Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
