so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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