just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
