so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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