Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
