i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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