I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize