Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
