I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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