Porn is love you can see.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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