so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
