Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
