I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
