i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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