my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
