I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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