sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
