Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
