capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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