M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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