You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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