Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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