it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
