he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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