Kareoke will never be a sober sport
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
