He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She told me I should be a condom model.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
