ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We need to get me chipped asap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
