so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
