I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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