We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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