her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
