Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
