fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
