No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
