i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
