he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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