Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
