He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
