I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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