I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
