I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
