I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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