I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
