i already hear my dad disowning me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
