I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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