Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
