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As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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