i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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