My hand turned me down
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
