When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
