I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
