'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
