This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
