Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
