I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize