Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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