whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
