this just has baby written all over it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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