You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
