I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
