Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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