Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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