i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
