I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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