maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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