Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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