mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
