Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
