The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize