apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
