My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
