I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
