I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize