Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
