i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize