alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
