Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
