but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your cock deserves a montage
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
