i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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