Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
