Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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