he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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