He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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