I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
