Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
