someone get that fucking seahorse.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize