i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
