ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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