i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
