Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
