"it" just moved
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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