butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize